Seven Deadly Subjects
by Naruto-fan-Okami-chan
Summary: Everyone knows about the seven deadly sins. Greed, envy, blah. Well, I have something like that but these seven deadlies could end up with your own death if you're the cause of it. Why'd I write this again? -Sasuke's POV-pretty much a SasuSaku oneshot-


**Seven Deadly Subjects**

**Sasuke's POV**

'"'"'"'"

I want to kill something right now. Someone has just broken one of my most important codes.

Never, and I mean _never, _mention or do one or more of the seven things that piss me off without a doubt. For any who need a review, here it is:

_1. Do NOT call or accuse me of being _gay

I'm aware of all those stupid people who claim I have an interest in males, but it's _wrong. _I've had Naruto, the stupid, loud-mouth Dobe who probably started this rumor, accuse me of such a thing on numerous accounts.

"You dumbass, I am _not_." I retorted against my so-called friend's accusation.

"Well, how do I know you're not?" Naruto responded. "You're always with guys more than you are with girls!"

"Maybe because most girls in this town are fangirls; you think I want to hang out with those stupid sluts?" I growled.

"Well…no…but even if they're not you avoid them!"

"Dobe, I'm going to point out one very important thing that I believe should prove that I am not a gay."

Naruto gave me one of his idiotically blank expressions. I reached over and whacked him hard on the head.

"I—have—a—_girlfriend_." I seethed through my teeth.

"…You do?"

I couldn't resist bringing my fist down onto the blonds empty skull again. "_Sakura, _you idiot; I've been dating Sakura for two years now!"

"…Oh yeah…whoops, my mistake," Naruto chuckled innocently.

"Dobe," I muttered angrily.

_2. When people take my tomatoes_

Of all the things that piss me off this isn't extremely high, but it still irks me when it happens anyway. I'll admit that I do have a deep enjoyment of the red fruit-vegetable-thing, but everyone has their favorite food, and everyone can get at least a little mad when it's taken away from them.

I had just walked out of a store with a bag of their last tomatoes in my hand. I planned to go home and make the salad I had craved since I woke up that morning.

Suddenly, someone whipped past me with a flash of orange and black. I glared at the retreating blond as he laughed maniacally for some reason. Then I realized my hand was empty and the blonds were full of _my_ tomatoes.

"Dobe," I practically shouted, "what the hell are you doing?"

"Run, run, as fast as you can, you can't catch me, I'm tomato thief man!" Naruto laughed loudly.

I growled and contemplated the thought that he actually believed I wouldn't catch him; me, who is faster and physically stronger than the stupid boy. He was definitely about to eat his words.

I took off down the road after the giggling boy. I caught up with him almost in an instant and forcefully kicked him in the back. Naruto tumbled to the ground, and then, to my complete chagrin, disappeared in a puff of smoke; _shadow clone. _

I heard Naruto's high laugh just a ways off and followed after his voice. I spotted him going through an alleyway I missed. I leapt onto the rooftops and followed him for a while until I jumped and brought my foot right down onto his head.

Naruto hit the ground with a loud thud and cried out in dismay.

"Nice try, Dobe, now hand them over." I growled threateningly.

"Uh…." Naruto stammered.

I took my foot off of him and he rolled over. Underneath him were my now crushed tomatoes. I could feel that last nerve die immediately.

"Um…it's okay…Teme…." Naruto tried to assure me. "I-I'll buy you some new ones…okay?"

All that could be heard afterwards were Naruto's screams of pain and several hard thuds.

_3. When Sakura leaves on really long missions_

As I've already depicted, I've been dating Sakura for two years now. One of the best things I like about that is the private company I get with her to do what I please without the Dobe interrupting, or he knows he'll be clobbered by us. However, those times are stopped in their tracks every time she's assigned on a mission; thusly leaving me sitting alone for the spans of hours we were supposed to be together.

I sat on my couch and glared at the ceiling. I had waited for my door to be knocked on by a certain pink-haired kunoichi for three weeks already. She said the mission would only last two and a half, and I felt extremely impatient at that point.

Knock, knock

I was over at the door in a second. I expected to be greeted by the warm smile of my girlfriend and a warm hug, but instead I got the Dobe at my door.

"What's up, Teme," Naruto greeted merrily as he stood at my doorstep.

"Argh…" I groaned exasperatedly.

"What's wrong with you?" Naruto questioned.

"You and patience is what's wrong with me." I grumbled.

Naruto blinked, perplexed for a moment. Suddenly something seemed to connect in his brain and he grinned broadly.

"Ha, ha, ha," Naruto laughed, "looks like someone misses our dear teammate, Sakura."

I glared at Naruto and contemplated slamming the door right then. "So what," I grumbled.

Naruto laughed loudly. "I guess this does prove your non-gayness."

A vein in my forehead twitched in annoyance.

"I never knew you were so horny!"

At that moment I slammed the door and locked it with so much force I thought for a moment it'd break. Naruto laughed like the idiot he was for a long time until I heard him retreat down the stairs of my apartment building. He laughed until he was well out of my distance of hearing.

About two hours later Sakura appeared on my doorstep, and I took the opportunity for about three or four hours of her special TLC.

_4. When people talk trash about my family_

I've known since before I returned to the village that my brother, Itachi, was actually a nice person who only tried to protect me, so now he's a part of this.

I'd always get angry if people said bad things about my parents. It wasn't like anyone ever had anything bad to say about my mom, but my dad was never one of the nicest guys, especially seeing as people said he was the one leading the group of Uchiha's who planned to overthrow the Leaf Village. Still, I don't think people have any reason to disrespect his or any of the other Uchiha's memory.

Some guy came and challenged me to a fight one day. Something about not liking how I thought I was cool because all the girls liked me. I don't remember. The guy was an idiot. I promptly told him where to shove it and walked off. This pissed him off, like I knew it would, but I didn't expect what he'd say next.

"I guess I shouldn't expect any less from the son of that renegade Uchiha; who thought he could take a few of his other Uchiha buddies and overthrow the Village."

I stopped in my tracks. I had no idea why someone like him was aware of that information. He probably had a blabbermouth for a father who was also one of the higher-ups around that time. My fists clenched inside my pockets as I tried to resist taking his bait.

"You're all arrogant. All the Uchiha's were. Why should you be any different?"

I took another step away, trying to distract my mind with the thought that I had been on my way to Sakura's and I should have almost been there.

"And then of course you had that real traitor for a brother. Then again, maybe he was the only sensible one for killing off all those other filthy Uchiha's. Though I guess not sensible enough seeing as he left you alive."

At that point I had had enough. Before he could even blink I was in front of him with my hand tightly gripping his throat. A look of extreme fear crossed his features briefly before he tried to recompose his smug look.

My hand tightened ever further when he tried to regain his look, though, and my words came out thick and deadly. "If anyone's the idiot here…it's you. Next time you want to try to piss me off, get your facts straight."

With that, I knocked him out, shoved him up against a wall, and continued on my way. I think I got my point across.

_5. Fangirls_

Shouldn't that one be obvious? The most annoying, insufferable, mindless beings I will ever have the misfortune to deal with. The worst part is they just don't seem to get it that I'm already happily taken by, albeit _former _fangirl, Sakura, but she had cleaned up that act a while after we became teammates.

I got chased by those stupid fangirls last month, but at least it ended with just sore legs and bruised fangirls.

I wandered aimlessly through the streets of Konoha. I stared up at the sky as I walked until I nearly ran into a pole. Then I started to pay attention to the road. I didn't get much farther, however, until the familiar, irritating squeals began to the left of me. I glanced to the side just in time to see a crew of about five major fangirls as they ran out of a shop and bolted for me.

I quickly jumped back and landed on the top of a roof. The fangirls, however, simply crowded at the bottom as if they thought I was going to jump down to them. This is what I meant by "mindless" fangirls.

I jumped over to the next rooftop, and the fangirls followed me from the ground.

"Damn it." I muttered, but continued on the rooftops as if I was on the road. I walked on for a couple more minutes and the girls were still down below me. I huffed, exasperated, and started to make a dash over the rooftops to hopefully shake them.

However, I didn't expect to jump off the side of a roof and end up in open air, and thusly I descended back to the ground and found myself in a blocked alleyway with fangirls at the front. Just my luck….

"Sasuke Uchiha!" One of them squealed.

I said nothing and made a wild hope that glares could kill as the fangirls approached, all of them giggled like drunken hyenas.

"Don't worry, we're not gonna hurt you!" Another giggled.

"I don't know if I can say the same to you." A voice called angrily from the opening of the alleyway.

Lo and behold, there stood one pissed off Sakura if I've ever seen one. The fangirls froze for a moment, and I really began to believe that whole "if glares could kill" thing.

"I'll say this once before you lose consciousness," Sakura growled, "Sasuke—is—_my_—man! And you all _better _remember that!"

The next couple minutes were a flurry of fists and squeals of pain, and may I mention the fists came from Sakura and the squeals did not. That'll teach 'em.

_6. When people compare me to Itachi_

I used to deal with this all the time growing up, and now I can't stand it. I am nothing like Itachi. We are both two completely different people with different amounts of skills, physical strength, and intelligence. There is nothing to compare besides whom did the best job covering up that burn mark in the carpet from mom when I was six.

Though the last case of comparison I don't get at all. I'll never get what goes on in some people's minds.

I was in the forest training with Kakashi on a new lightning based jutsu.

"Good job, Sasuke, looks like you're starting to get it." Kakashi congratulated me.

"Hn," I answered normally.

"I don't think even Itachi would be able to master a jutsu like that."

I didn't reply after the mention of my brother, and continued on with the training.

"…I wonder…who do you think has the odder hairstyle: you or Itachi?"

At that moment I lost control of the lightning chakra I had gathered and received a very nice shock through my legs that stopped just before it had the capability to stop me from reviving the clan.

"What," I strained to contain my voice level.

"I mean…Itachi has that long hair which is kinda odd, and then you have your…your…_chicken hair_! Girly or unnatural…I can't seem to decide which is weirder."

"You should join the club…your hair practically defies gravity." I grumbled angrily.

I tried to ignore my teacher's ramblings as I continued my training. Eventually he settled that my hair was weirder, and that's the moment where I left before I tried out that new jutsu on Kakashi's head.

_7. When any harm comes to Sakura_

You can call it overprotection, but I call it defending. No matter what age I'm at I can't stand seeing danger come her way. Whether I have to throw myself between her and some dangerous rogue or I have to catch that kickball that flies towards her head. I simply won't allow myself to sit by and watch her get injured.

I strolled through the park with Sakura's hand in mine. We had just finished eating some dinner and the sun was almost down. We walked along the edge of the trees until we came to a sudden stop.

Sakura turned to face me; her back was to the forest. She began to inch her way up to me, and then something caught my eye. There was a sudden glint in the forest, and next thing something flew through the air.

I quickly pushed Sakura down and reached out to catch the object.

"What the hell, Sasuke?" Sakura questioned.

"This," I answered.

Sakura looked at my hand and gasped. In my hand was a kunai, however, unluckily for me, I reached out a bit early and, instead of grabbing the handle, I grabbed the knife part…hard…and now my hand was covered in blood.

A figure came out from the trees; I recognized them to be none other than Naruto. He grinned innocently.

"Oh, sorry Teme, Sakura…a kunai got away from me." Naruto chuckled and rubbed the back of his head.

"What are you doing throwing kunai in a public place, you idiot?" Sakura scolded.

"Sorry, sorry…I uh…guess I'll leave…careful with the death glares, Teme, they say looks can kill." Naruto stated before he took off.

Sakura then turned to me. "And what were you thinking? Grabbing out at a kunai like that; shoving me out of the way. I think I probably would have sensed it before it could have hit me."

"Well…what if you didn't?" I retorted.

Sakura sighed. "Then I guess it is a good thing you did that, but you didn't have to get yourself hurt in the process. There's no need to be overprotective. Now, let me heal you."

And from there I learned the upside of dating a medical ninja, or that probably would have stung for the rest of the night. But then the next day Naruto started his whole "I'm overprotective of Sakura" crap. Naruto better be glad looks can't kill, or he, and half the female population here that are fangirls, would be dead.

'"'

Yes, those are the top seven things that piss me off without a doubt. The code that was broken was Naruto taking my tomatoes, but he's also broken about two others as far as I can remember. I think I'll let him get to five before I consider exercising my ninjutsu skills on him. He's such a—

"Sasuke, are you writing in a diary?" Sakura questioned from behind me.

I snapped the notebook I had closed. "It's a journal…" I grumbled.

"Right…" Sakura drawled.

"How'd you get into my apartment?" I asked.

"You gave me a key two months ago."

Oh yeah, forgot about that. "Why are you here?"

"What…your _fiancée _can't even come in for a visit?" Sakura inquired and intentionally waved around her left hand which now sported an engagement ring that matched the one I forgot I wore.

Oh yeah, I forgot about that, too…that was…three weeks ago…four? How long have I been sitting here? I think I'm still twenty-two…I don't have gray hair….

"Sasuke," Sakura's voice snapped me out of my trance.

"Hn," I grunted in response.

Sakura rolled her eyes. "I thought 'hn' died when we got engaged!"

"…" Why do I keep forgetting things…I hope I'm not getting Alzheimer's or something.

I abruptly stood up and accidentally bumped my head on the shelf above me.

"Oh, are you alright, Sasuke?" Sakura jumped.

"…Yeah…it's May 24th."

"…What?"

It's all coming back to me now. I just needed a whack to the head.

"Nothing…come on, I won't keep you bored." I responded, grabbed Sakura's hand, and led her out of my room.

"Oh yeah, Sasuke, I don't remember if I told you, I'm going on a mission tomorrow, it should last about three weeks."

Damn it…and now I remember why I was writing that down…she just got home, and now she's leaving me again…I'm going to need some more paper.

**THE END**

…**I can't even remember why ****I**** wrote this…must have just been a funny thought…well…it was. Anyways…for this story…thank you kt. 1z. awesome for giving me some of the ideas I used in here! I think you'll probably recognize the ideas you gave me. Anyway…I actually wrote this in only like…two days! How'd I, the master of uninspired procrastination, pull that off? Actually…earlier I wanted to have a writing montage…but my computer went all whacky turning on and I was stuck on one loading page for 2 AND A HALF HOURS! Eventually I got it to turn off, but then I had to let to cool down so…there went that…you people could have had several updates! I was practically yelling at my computer. (I know I was cursing.) Okay…well…tell me what you think! **


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